


DC's Timeline Makes No Sense

by ChimaeraKitten



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Crack, Gen, No editing we die like mne, Tim Drake is forever 17, a very silly thing that started as a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChimaeraKitten/pseuds/ChimaeraKitten
Summary: Tim Drake is forever seventeen.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a Joke on my tumblr, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it.

“Drake, how old are you?” Damian asked. Dick looked up from his work, startled, because Damian had never shown any interest in Tim’s personal information before.

“Seventeen. Why?”

“How long have you been seventeen?”

“The…normal amount of time?”

Dick saw where this was going, and desperately signaled Damian to stop. Damian ignored him.

“How old was I when you first met me?”

“Ten.” Tim answered easily enough, even though he looked confused.

“How old were you then?”

“Seventeen. Damian, what is this about?”

“How old am I now?”

“Fourteen.”

The point was clearly going right over Tim’s head.

“How long have you been seventeen?”

“I’m sorry, what’s your point?”

Dick couldn’t let this go on any longer. “Leave him be Damian. He’s working.”

“But he—“

“You’re not going to get through to him, believe me I’ve tried.”

“Yeah? What happens then?”

Dick sighed. “Watch.”

“Tim, how old were you when we first met and you saw me do the quadruple with my parents?”

“Five.”

“How old was I?”

“Eight.”

“How old am I now?”

“Twenty-six.”

“How old are you now?”

“Seventeen.”

“What’s eight minus five?”

“Three.”

“What’s twenty-six minus seventeen?”

“Nine.”

“How many years apart are our ages?”

“…”

“What’s twenty-six minus eight?”

“Eighteen.”

“What’s seventeen minus five?”

“Twelve.”

“How many years have passed since we first met?”

“…”

Dick sighed. “Tim, how long have you been seventeen?”

Dick and Damian watched as Tim’s eyes glazed over and he slowly turned back to his work as if they’d never been having a conversation at all.

“What the hell was that? What’s wrong with him?”

“I take it this is your first time seeing this?”

“Todd mentioned it the other day. He said it was entertaining.”

“It is to him, but he likes watching pointless things. I wouldn’t advise bring it up with Bruce either. It’s a sore spot.”

“Why?”

“There are very few mysteries Batman can’t solve. One of them is why Tim Drake stopped ageing at seventeen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you came from Tumblr and you were disappointed with the lack of mentions of the sad Keanu meme.


	2. Chapter 2

“Seriously?” Harper asked. “You’re inviting me to Thanksgiving?”

“Why would be not invite you to Thanksgiving.”

Harper shuffled sideways a little bit. “I’m kinda awkward and… weird. Especially around the holidays and people.”

Dick laughed. “Weird? Believe me we’ve seen it already. Damian owns a giant fluffy bat demon named Goliath. Tim’s been seventeen for the past six years.”

“I have not!”

“Have too!”

“I’ve been seventeen for the normal amount of time.”

“Yeah. If the normal amount of time was six years.”

“Wait, how has he been seventeen for six years?”

“He joined the family when he was thirteen. That was ten years ago. His last birthday we all remember was six years ago, when he turned seventeen.”

“He could just be lying about his age.”

“We thought that too, except he looks exactly the same! And he keeps getting Junk Mail asking him to take the SATs.”

“Well that is weird.”

“When did the topic turn to my age again?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This continues to be the silliest thing ever, yet I can't get it out of my head.


End file.
